Jerkface Tinkerbell’s Guide to Life

Emily Kingsley
6 min readJan 3, 2022

Helmets are optional — especially for douchebags.

Photo by Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash

My daughter is ten. She wears purple ski pants with pink and black paint splatters on them. Her ski helmet is white with a big pink dot on the top like something from a candy shop. She’ll tell you she’s a hardcore skier, but when you see her on the slopes, with her blond hair and pink cheeks, she looks like an adorable woodland fairy wrapped in gore-tex.

Every Saturday, I drop her off in the morning to train with her ski team and coaches at a nearby ski mountain. When I meet up with her for lunch, she gives me a rundown of how she spent the morning. Usually, it includes an update on the snow conditions or descriptions of drills they do with names like ‘showtime’ or ‘squashers’.

Today when I met up with her, these trivial topics were not on the table. Instead, she wanted to tell me about three big events that were out of the ordinary.

Chapter 1: Tinkerbell

Because of the holiday and the crummy weather, a lot of kids on her team hadn’t shown up for training. So instead of doing drills with a gaggle of chipper kids her age, she’d ended up training with a group of 17 and 18-year-old boys.

It sounded intimidating to me, but she said it was motivating to think that the older kids — who were much…



Emily Kingsley

Always polishing the flip side of the coin. Live updates from the middle class. She/her.