How Did All These Cows Get Here?

Emily Kingsley
7 min readSep 12, 2019

It’s time we all learned a little more about how big, beautiful bovine bang.

Photo by Olga Kravchuk on Unsplash

Cows! They’re just like us! Sort of.

Like humans, cows have sex. The boy cows, also known as bulls, have long pink penises coupled with a set of big saggy balls and the girls, called cows, have vaginas that lead to large, duffel-bag sized uteruses. It’s the various combinations of these reproductive structures that we have to thank for cheese, yogurt, milk, steak, burgers and more.

As I tell my high school students, learning about science will make you a better person. So whether you’re in the red-meat-and-potatoes camp or the vegan-beyond-meat-burger camp, let’s dive in and learn how those big ol’ bossie moo cows do it!

A tale of two (types of) penises

The differences between human and bull reproductive anatomy are quite startling. As you may know, a human penis is loaded up with tiny blood vessels. Most of the time, they are pretty empty, but when they fill up with blood, the penis becomes erect and hard.

Tee-hee away, but if you think of this from an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense. It would take a lot of energy to maintain a constant erection. But a soft floppy penis could never accomplish the task of delivering the sperm deep into the vagina to make a…



Emily Kingsley

Always polishing the flip side of the coin. Live updates from the middle class. She/her.